Acceptance is NOT agreement or approval

I have been putting away from me the idea that I have accepted the biological fact that I have cancer in my body.  It seems if I accept it, then I am agreeing to be ill, to be in jeopardy of dying, to surrender to a foul disease.

None of that is true.  Acceptance is merely and completely facing facts.  I don’t like that it has happened to my body. I don’t like the process of destroying my cells to get it out of my body.  I don’t like the uncertainty that it may not be gone for good. I don’t like looking at the part I had in allowing my body to become weakened from inactivity and sloppy eating to the point it could not fight off cancer in the first place. 

I have so many conversations about why, how, and what if running through my mind that is it exhausting, irritating, and saddening.  I want to ignore it all, avoid it all.  Yet the conversations persist.  And so I listen to what they are trying to teach me. I believe everything is for a reason (I always have).  These conversations are not simply occurring to annoy or pester me. I have been listening deeply for the wisdom God is imparting, knowing if I can truly be present, I will be deeply changed forever. 

I know this disease was not caused in order for me to learn, but rather it is for me to take the opportunity within the circumstances to expand my life, learning, and wisdom.  I have distinguished between acceptance, agreement, and approval.  I am a tenacious woman, and I do not surrender easily.  I have, however, surrendered to learning all I can while going through this process.  I have surrendered to care for my body with a high level of maintenance, and in this practice, learn to connect and listen for what serves my body.  With this comes changing my daily lifestyle in a way that sustains health and well-being into my future.

And through it all, I am listening for wisdom.

Published in: on July 11, 2010 at 2:16 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Cynthia- your blog is wonderful. Thanks for sharing your quest for wisdom- which by seeking you seem to be gaining. Just a thought- I have found that acceptance and surrender bring incredible strength. It’s not the same as giving in- only that you have made peace with what is. In that space I have found the power to overcome enormous obstacles. I admire your heart and your faith. You are surely waging the battle of your life- but it seems like you have had many wins along the way. Wishing you continued strength! XXOO

  2. thank you for your grace, for sharing your humanity in such an affirming way, which in no way resembles infirmity. your courage gives me strength. i have been a silent partner on your journey as a reader of this blog, and i know i speak for many when i say, your consciousness makes a difference. thanks for inviting me along.

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